Our Current Relationships
Friends are indispensible and an important, vital part of our lives. Often our current relationships are comforting, affirming, convenient, mutually supportive and validating. At times, this isn’t sufficient for our growth. Our friends may collude with us, allow repetitious patterns to impede our progress and avoid difficult conversations or challenging us in new ways. We need more to breakthrough to the next level; we need a growth-oriented partnership.
Things to Take into Consideration
- Choose a person who believes they can create change in their life. (Ideally, someone who has a track record of making significant changes in their life.)
- Choose a person who is comfortable holding herself equally and mutually accountable.
- Choose a person that is capable of being more than a cheerleader.
- You only need one person in life to show up for you in this way, yet it becomes addicting to have this in many relationships. Everyone isn’t ready for this type of experience. If you receive a “no” from someone, realize there is someone better out there for you.
When Designing an Alliance
- Consider arranging one time a week that you talk on the phone.
- Discuss how you both will be available to the other person and the best way to communicate.
- Consider putting a time frame on the commitment. (Ex. To be re-evaluated in 3 months, 6 months, or 1 year.)
- Decide the best way to hold each other accountable.
- In the beginning, you will want to make time for each of you to share your biggest vision you have for your lives. Give them clarity around your dreams and the bigger picture they are holding for you.
- Make clear agreements about how you can support each other in realizing your potential. (Ex. Asking the below questions. Offering new ideas. Challenging assumptions. Questioning old patterns. Showing up for you.)
- Gain clarity about how this will feel mutual and equal for both of you.
When You Meet: Possible Questions You Can Ask and Invite Them to Ask You
- What else might be going on here?
- What are you making this experience mean? What else could it mean?
- If your false belief is not true, what would you do?
- What is possible if your old belief is false?
- How are your old beliefs about this showing up here?
- What could be another perspective about this?
- What is the bigger truth about you?
- What is a different way you could respond?
- What skill would be a stretch for you here?
- What new skill could you try on to show up differently?
- What would you say to me as a friend about this? Now, what would you say if you are standing for my growth?
- What’s next?
Sample Script to Invite a Trusted Person into a Growth Partnership
- Affirm your friendship. Let them know, you appreciate them.
“You are such a great friend (or person), I am really grateful for you.”
- Let them know why you are doing this now. This explains the timing.
“I just finished this class and I learned new things. I’m interested in getting support with this thing I am working on ______.” (Around health, career, balance, finances, business, relationship, a specific project)
- Since you trust them, you want to invite them into a growth relationship.
“Your perspective is valuable to me, I was wondering if you would be interested in working together on something.”
- Clarify if they have something they want to change.
“Is there is something you are wanting to grow, shift, evolve in your life? We could partner together to help each other achieve this change.”
- Confirm the reason you picked them.
“I want a partner who will challenge me to be my best in/at ______. I think your perspective, feedback, brainstorming, support and accountability I really could create this _______ (new thing).”
- Express your intention to create a mutually supportive, challenging and accountability partnership.
“I would want to do the same for you. I want permission to show up in the same way for you”
- Affirm the focus of this new part of your relationship.
“The focus is to breakout of our old patterns and create a breakthrough in this area of our lives.”
- Listen to their questions, concerns, thoughts and ideas.
- Obtain clarity if they are committed to your new partnership.
- Negotiate permissions. Discuss when to start.